Blog of Bling #18- FYI: Bling is NEVER the little spoon!

So I was walking home from the pub last Friday night, pissed (in the English sense) as usual. Way up the street I see a couple people hanging out near the front of my flat. As I draw nearer, I realize it’s my flatmate HF (probably shouldn't post names without permission) and a mate of my flatmate Leighton who lives across the hall from me. I exchange pleasantries as I enter the house, but honestly, I don’t care much for HF as she has trouble cleaning up after herself and maintains a general “holier-than-thou” aura that I can’t really stand; there’s not much love lost between us though. To make things worse, her new friend, the mate of my neighbor speaks some kind of Birmingham-ian English that I don’t understand at all. Plus he looks like a twerp, so I manage to get by without introducing myself, for which I’m quite pleased with myself.

Anyway, I head into the lounge to watch a little tele to find my flatmate LM making out with a new friend he’s brought home for the night. Ugh, so I shut the door and call it a night. Not five minutes in bed, when I hear LM and his friend coming up the stairs. I put my earplugs in as per usual and try to pass out.

About 10 minutes after this, I hear someone coming all the way up to the top floor where Leighton and I live. Ha, I think. Hannah kicked LM’s mate to the curb and now he needs to know where to crash. I hear muffled knocking through my earplugs as I role over toward the window, determined to sleep through all the racket.

All of the sudden, something or someone is climbing into bed with me! I scream “WHAT THE F@&$?!!” pretty much at the top of my lungs as this thing jumps about 10 feet in the ear and starts to head for the door. I follow this up with a rhetorical “WHO THE F- ARE YOU?!” Only this twerp that has snuck into my room doesn’t know it was rhetorical, and starts to answer. “Oh my bad, mate, I’m…”

“I DON’T CARE WHO THE F YOU ARE! GET THE F OUT OF MY ROOM!”

Well the twerp scurries out my room as fast as he can, cause I am literally about to explode. After he’s gone I try to calm myself and go back to sleep. Sure enough, 5 minutes later when the fumes coming out of my ears have subsided, I hear another muffled knock. Surely not, no way, I think to myself. But sure enough, in pops the head of this twerp who apologizes, grabs his shirt that he left on the floor and runs out of the room!! What can I do at this point but turn back over and hope to the heavens that it was a case of mistaken identity, but it certainly takes me a while to finally get to sleep.

As it turns out, HF told this poor pawn of a twerp to meet her in “her room at the top of the stairs across from LM’s after using the restroom” .... which would actually be my room. That's a pretty bold play in the conflagration between her and I. I really don't know how I'm going to top that one. For right now, I'm just going to consider myself lucky to that I avoided being unintentionally spooned and desperately try to repress the memory!